Rayne’s birth story is one that starts about a year before he was born. Actually, it starts with his brother Grey’s story.

My pregnancy with Grey was difficult (you can read his birth story here), and his first two years of life were marked by constant doctors visits, food allergies resulting in severe skin rashes (including blistering diaper rashes) and extreme pain, daily medication, respiratory viruses, constant ear infections, issues with eating (choking on food and extreme anxiety surrounding all food), in-home therapy for eating and speech, and, around his second birthday, a preliminary diagnosis of Reactive Lung Disease. Outside of the medical and physical difficulties we faced, we also had a lot to learn about parenting a child with high sensory needs and extreme emotional reactions. In short, his entire life from conception to two years of age was rife with anxiety, unknowns, curveballs, frustration, and fear. Those two years were overwhelming for our family, and we decided that we were content to have only two children.

Last summer, I began to feel like maybe we had another child waiting for us. It was a distinct feeling, one that I tried to ignore for a couple of months. We have a community of close friends that we do life with (both normal and spiritual). One of our friends told me (after I pushed and pushed her) that she had the feeling we had another child waiting for us. Shortly after, on the morning of my birthday, Kevin and I went out for breakfast. I nervously told him what I had felt and what our friend had told me, and to my surprise he said he felt similar. We decided to try for a baby that month, but if we didn’t get pregnant immediately to just leave it up to “chance” as to the timing of a future pregnancy.

I had a positive pregnancy test four weeks later.

One of the first people I told was Mary, the friend in our community. She told me she felt strongly to pray Psalm 65 over this pregnancy and baby, and I felt strongly like that Psalm would be a gift to us somehow. My pregnancy went really smoothly- it was healthy, I was in high spirits spiritually and emotionally, my energy remained steady throughout the weeks and months, and we were all deeply leaning into the preparation of our home and minds for a new addition.

During pregnancy I wanted to focus on learning about physiological pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. I wanted to work through my fears and the things holding me back from achieving the birth I hoped for, and I wanted to feel deeply connected to our family and the baby I was growing. I chose Happy Home Birth Academy , Hypnobabies, reading books (Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth and Holy Labor by Aubry Smith), and consuming positive home birth stories (mostly through Happy Home Birth Podcast). Through my pregnancy, the words Peace and Joy were deeply impressed on my heart as a vital part of my story. I experienced both profoundly in pregnancy through the support of our community and spiritually through learning deeply about myself and my relationship with God.

When it came time to give birth, my heart was ready, my mind was ready, and I felt no fear or nervousness. Around 10 weeks pregnant I began to experience light Braxton Hicks contractions. These continued to grow in intensity and frequency through my pregnancy to where, by 30ish weeks, I was experiencing them in timeable, 10-30 minutes intervals throughout each day. By 35 weeks I started experiencing prodromal labor. The first time this happened I was worried- contractions woke me up around 1am and grew in intensity and frequency until around 4am. They died down shortly after 4 and I went back to sleep, waking to no contractions. I experienced these nights multiple times a week for the next 4 weeks. This led to some frustration- at first, I thought the reason for prodromal labor was that we discovered he was breech. We did all the things to turn him naturally, and by 36 weeks he turned to head down. When prodromal didn’t stop, I began to wonder if I wasn’t fully releasing my fears. I spent a couple of weeks really focusing on releasing fear and centering my mind on truth and peace. I also wondered if it had to do with our house not being prepared, so at 39+2 Kevin and I went on our last date and finished it out by shopping for all the final items on our list. WE. WERE. READY!

When I had another long night of prodromal labor at 39+4, I was frustrated. I told Kevin “I feel like my body is waiting for something before it will finally allow me to go into labor. There’s a REASON I keep having prodromal labor and my body won’t allow it to move forward.” The night of 39+5 was the Super Flower Blood Moon Eclipse. I went to my physical therapist as a last effort to make sure my body was aligned and ready to birth my baby. He told me as I was leaving “go straight home, I bet you’ll have him tonight!” I woke up at 2am with contractions, and went back to sleep. At 4am I woke again and felt the need to get up and walk. I knew the eclipse was supposed to happen around 4:30 on the West Coast, so I decided to go outside and walk up and down our street. I walked and prayed and released more fears. I told God I was ready to have him and I was at peace to wait. I watched the moon and walked up and down the hill our house sits on top of. As I walked, contractions grew and grew in intensity. Around 5 I was hit with deep tiredness, so I decided to try and go to sleep, knowing that if this was labor things would progress and I wouldn’t be able to sleep.

I woke up at 8:30am, on the day before 40 weeks, to the tightness of Braxton Hicks, but no labor contractions. I went through the day, slightly disappointed but at peace with the waiting. I didn’t realize it then, but the BH I was experiencing were growing in intensity and staying within 8-12 minutes apart. That evening our community was getting together at our house. At the end of our time together they asked if they could pray blessings over Rayne and I, over our pregnancy journey and over our birth experience. One of our friends played Kari Jobe’s The Blessing on Kevin’s birth-mom’s guitar (just that connection alone was beautiful) while our friends spoke truth and asked for strength and peace and joy in our experience. After they all left, I told Kevin “I think that’s what we were waiting for- I think he’ll be born tonight.” Kevin said he felt the same way, and we went to bed holding loosely to expectations but also feeling at peace with the possibility that Rayne would be born that night.

At 2:53am I woke up after a vivid dream of losing my mucus plug. I had a VERY intense feeling of needing to go sit on the toilet, but I didn’t have to pee. I fought with myself, knowing how irritating it is to get up out of bed when that heavily pregnant, and finally decided to listen to the feeling and go sit on the toilet. As soon as I sat down, I felt a strange pop and my water broke. I immediately felt a surge of excitement and disbelief, and began laughing at how perfect the timing was. I put on a diaper so I could walk around without leaking, and woke Kevin up. We immediately texted our team and began getting all the last minute things prepared. Kevin blew up the birth pool, I made the guest room ready and tidied the kitchen, and we made sure all our things were within reach and ready to go once things began to move.

At 3:45 my mom arrived (she would be ‘hostessing’ my birth: making sure everyone was fed and had coffee, making sure my boys were cared for and comfortable, and being generally available to help out where it was needed), and no contractions had started. We all went back to bed, knowing that labor would probably pick up shortly. At 4:15 I woke up to some more intense contractions and decided to turn over in an attempt to be more comfortable. As soon as I turned over, I felt another very distinct pop and more water gushed out. Immediately I had a VERY intense contraction and knew I couldn’t lay down any longer. I didn’t want to wake up Kevin yet, knowing I may have hours to go, so I went to the bathroom alone and got into the shower. The hot water was SO helpful in easing my muscles between contractions, and it was exactly what my body needed to relax between contractions. I was listening to my Early Birthing Day Hypnobabies track, and it was SO helpful in centering my mind as I rode each contraction alone.

Things began to get intense very quickly once I started laboring in the shower. I remember feeling concerned, thinking “Having a home birth was a mistake- I can’t go on at this level of intensity for 5+ hours! This will be too much!” Very soon after having those thoughts, I realized I needed to have Kevin’s help in coping so I called him to come into the bathroom. As soon as he came in he saw we were at a pretty advanced stage, and immediately texted our team again. Our doula (Julie Byers) contacted our team for us to make sure everyone was aware that I was in active labor, but she was attending another birth and wasn’t sure if she could make it to mine in time (I didn’t know this until after Rayne was born). As soon as he walked into the bathroom, I began to feel nausea and my whole body began shivering uncontrollably. I felt a surge of panic at the onset of each contraction, and I knew immediately that I was experiencing the signs of transition. I felt like I couldn’t possibly be in transition after only 20 minutes of active labor, so I ignored the signs and just focused on staying calm and relaxed through each contraction.

We moved into our bedroom where I labored with Kevin supporting me as the tub filled up. Around 5:30 I felt my body begin to bear down. I didn’t push with the urge at first, thinking “I don’t want to push for hours and hours and tire myself out!” (I was still convinced I had hours to go!) Around 5:45 I began pushing as each contraction forced my body to bear down. I finally got in the pool, and continued to push with each contraction. My eyes stayed closed almost the entire rest of my labor. The water WAS WONDERFUL. It felt so relaxing between contractions to have the warm water all around me. Around 6:30am I opened my eyes and saw that my birth team had arrived, that the sun was rising, and I knew I would have my daytime birth that I’d prayed to have. My birth playlist was playing, and I was connecting on a deep, spiritual level to the lyrics of every song I had carefully chosen to be on that list. Each song was propelling my mind toward truth, toward joy, and toward peace. I repeated “I’m not afraid. I’m not afraid” as a mantra between contractions. I couldn’t read the words I had written and stuck on my wall, so Kevin whispered them in my ear as I rested between waves. At one point, Julie saw that I needed to change positions in order to help Rayne’s head be born. She whispered ‘you should try the Captain Morgan’ twice, and I only heard her the second time. It took me a little while to be able to change positions due to the intensity, but as soon as I did I felt that my pelvis had opened and he was able to move down more easily.

At 7:10 his head was born. The ring of fire was SO REAL. It took four minutes for the next contraction to come, and when as I pushed, my midwife Janelle leaned in and helped his wide, sticky shoulders slide out. I had envisioned picking him up from the birth pool so many times in preparation for my labor, but in our planning we had agreed that Kevin would be the one to catch him once he was born. Because of my positioning though, I was the only one who could catch him and so, as in my visions, I was the one who picked him up out of the water when he finally made it earthside.

Immediately I felt profound relief, a flood of peace, and deep joy. I didn’t know it at the time, but I later found out that the songs playing while he was born and directly after were 10,000 Reasons by Josh Garrells and You Are My Sunshine by The Fox + The Hound. The lyrics of both songs (the second the lyrics were changed slightly from the traditional song) were perfectly matched to that moment- the sun streamed in my windows, I was surrounded by my family and the team I had specifically chosen, my son was born in the birth pool, he was healthy and I was healthy. I felt safe, cared for, loved, and content.

Immediate postpartum went as well as it could have- I quickly moved to my bed to deliver the placenta and monitor blood loss. Rayne latched immediately and stayed at the breast for a long time. After having lost so much blood and so many fluids so quickly, I wasn’t able to stand up for around 4 hours. I had a few glasses of coconut water and a protein pancake with syrup to try and boost my electrolytes and blood sugar. The hours after Rayne’s birth were filled with care. He was cared for and I was cared for. I was wrapped in blankets and fed, Rayne was weighed and measured and diapered at the end of my bed, not more than an arms reach away. My dad visited with flowers. My boys sat nearby and held their brother and traced his nose and fingers. Kevin sat skin to skin with him. We were able to be alone, in our own room, in our own bed, surrounded by people who cared about us and kept us safe.

There are so many details to this story that I wasn’t able to tell. So many things that were left out for sake of time. Let me just end with this: if you’re considering having a natural birth, especially a home birth, prepare. Prepare your team- choose people you feel safe with. Prepare your mind- find ways to identify insecurity and fear and work through them, and learn as much as you can about physiological birth. Prepare your home: think deeply about what you hope for your ideal birth, and prepare for that scenario.

Rayne’s birth experience was redemption for my first birth experience- a home birth turned hospital transfer surrounded by people I didn’t know in a place I’d never been in a country whose language I didn’t speak. It was redemption for my second postpartum experience- not being heard by medical staff, having to fight against their poking and prodding Grey’s tiny, new body, and feeling like a prisoner unable to leave the hospital. Rayne’s birth brought peace. It brought abundance. It softened the sharp memories of the births before. It healed the wounds left by lack of preparation, lack of knowledge, and lack of advocacy.

Psalm 65:8-11 is where we got the inspiration for Rayne’s name. We didn’t know when we named him that not only would this passage give us his name, but it would be a foreshadowing of his birth and how it shaped me. God moved through this pregnancy. He changed me and our family through this birth. If you plan for a healing experience, be prepared for it to happen, and be prepared for it to be better than you could have ever imagined.

Rayne Wilder Lowe, 10lbs 13oz, 22.5 inches long, born with the rising sun, surrounded by people who love him.

“….You make the going out of the morning and the evening to shout for joy. You visit the earth and water it; you greatly enrich it; the river of God is full of water…You water its furrows abundantly, settling its ridges, softening it with showers, and blessing its growth. You crown the year with your bounty; your wagon tracks overflow with abundance.”